An oldie, but a goodie.

This happened about 6 weeks ago, but it’s a good insight into the current frustrations I face when it comes to “dating”.

Alright my darlings, here is the scoop on “the date”…

Disclaimer: Your life may be more exciting than this, and I don’t blame you, so if you have better things to do than read about my dating life, I strongly suggest you do those things. If not, you are welcome to take a trip with me down “Men suck” lane.

So, after meeting Hal at a bar named “Cookies”, I should have probably guessed this wouldn’t end well. But he was older and taller and better dressed than the other characters I have dated recently, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to give him my phone number. He anxiously text messaged me the next day (which was my next clue. TM ing is the easy way out, and should not be used when dating someone new) telling me how happy he was to meet me and looks forward to spending more time with me as my schedule allows. I told him I would let him know if I was coming to town.

So I was coming to town, and let him know, to which he responded “Yay! I am so excited to see you.” Nice one, Hal. Way to reel her in.

Friday early afternoon I get a TM (grr) from him that says “When are you coming to town?”. I respond, telling him I will be in town that evening, but would he like to get coffee or lunch on Saturday. Do you know why I did this gals? Because coffee or lunch usually involves a shorter amount of time and doesn’t involve alcohol. I guarantee you that if you are someone who drinks alcohol, you SHOULD NOT do that when you are first dating someone. That’s how I married my first husband. (I’m kidding.) But it’s best to be totally sober when you are at the “getting to know you” point. You want to be able to remember his or her answers to questions like “Do you have any children?” or “Do you have any warrants for your arrest?” or “I’m sorry, did you just say ex-wife?” So coffee it was, for me.

His response was “Yes! Definitely! Just let me know when and where.”

So Saturday morning at 10am, I TM him (I have no one to blame but myself at this point) asking if coffee at 1 would work. He responds at noon saying he got called in to work, but could meet up later in the afternoon. I say I am available until 5 and to just let me know. He says “Great! Talk to you soon.”

I don’t hear from him until 730pm, when he TM’s (grr) “Sorry, I had to work late and passed out afterwards. You still in town?” Hmm.

He took a nap? He could have been having coffee with me, but he took a nap?

Okay, D. We all have our days. Give him a shot.

I tell him I am in town until 11 tomorrow, and he eventually asks if he can take me to breakfast before I go. At this point, it’s about 930 in the evening and he is also trying to get me to meet up with him and his friends at a bar. (No, absolutely not!) I tell him I am in for the night, but will meet him for breakfast. He TM’s (grrr) “Whatever time works best for you. I am so sorry about today.” We decide on the bowling alley. Actually, my father decides on the bowling alley restaurant for breakfast since that is where all of his spies work and if you touch me in there, people lose limbs. It’s a little freaky how protective they are. So bowling alley, 930. He says “I am so looking forward to seeing you. I will be there at 930″. Ah, how sweet Hal. Really, you’re too much.

So I am up early, load up my truck for the ride home, kiss my parents and arrive at the restaurant at 920, because it’s polite to be early, especially when you are meeting someone new. I sit in my truck, nervous, excited, hungry (for food people, come on). I get out of the truck and stand by the door at 926am. I take a quick look inside and don’t see him, so wait out front. Where it’s cold. And windy. At 935 I TM him (because that’s all I do now apparently) “Are you here?”

940am…….
945am……..
950am……
955am…..

Earmuffs girls….
That prick doesn’t show! Doesn’t even TM!

I’m sorry, but did I really just wait outside of a fucking bowling alley for almost 30 minutes for you? I take one last look inside to make sure he’s not there, and then drive to the poker room (my parents play every day, which is a whole other email) so my dad can buy me breakfast, because at this point, I am starving, and stark raving mad.

The worst part….I never heard from him again. Wow, oh wowy.

I am trying to be optimistic and telling myself “Maybe he got hit by a bus.” Then I realize that’s not really an optimistic option and he probably was just yet another tool who got really drunk and slept in. The only smart thing he did? Not try to call me after he stood me up. He doesn’t really know me, but I think he picked up on the inevitable ass-chewing he would receive from me if he ever did try to contact me. I decided that if he ever tried to TM me again, my response would be “For the record, Hal. If you are going to be an irresponsible asshole, do it on your own time. Not mine.” I am also open to other suggestions.

So there you have it, gals. I hope this bring some laughter to you. My mother, because she is darling, told me that this was the universe reminding me that the universe will weed out anyone who is incapable of recognizing how amazing I am. I think she’s right. I think the same goes for all of you. If anyone ever stands you up outside a bowling alley, remember that you are too incredible to wait anymore than 25 minutes for someone. And call me and we will TM him or her together.

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